considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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