Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
