Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize