i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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