2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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