You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
