I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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