im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
