She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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