Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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