That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
