is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
