This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i out mim tonsoeep
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
