dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
