is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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