people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
