Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
