also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
