handjob tips. give me some.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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