guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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