i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love having hate sex.
bring money and cleavage
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
