I can text with my tongue
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
