She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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