friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
