Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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