It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
