this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
