im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
