Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
