this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
