I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
