There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
