apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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