i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
