I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
