bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
