Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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