she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
