By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
