You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My feet surprised me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
