I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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