I think i sorta joined a cult last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
