i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
