Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

honey bunches of taint.

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(713): View more from Texas

you win again, gameday.

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(305): View more from Florida

Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.

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(310): View more from California

based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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(469): View more from Texas

Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

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(626): View more from California

i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen

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(631): View more from New York

He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.

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(678): View more from Georgia

And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...

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