I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
