are you still at the devil's house?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
