Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
