Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
