my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Houston, we have a blender
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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