I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize