Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
