I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize