It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
what is it with giant penises always finding me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
