sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
pray to the hookup gods
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
