Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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