I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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