don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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