Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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