did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
