how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
