so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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