Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
