i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize