I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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