just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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