Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
