Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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