my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
